I want to be a kid

I like them stay in my room, i open wide the door so they can come in and feel free here.

I like kid, to be honest i feel confident among them. Their openess ease my heart. I ask them many questions till they don’t know to answer. I don’t want to get married and won’t have child but i still love kid.

They are all my family, my nephews and grandsons. I like when they are talking to each other, so pure and frankly. kid makes me comfortable and happy. Their words are so light and ease and mostly funny.

I get them ice cream, it is perfect on sunny hot day. They play video games. Only one phone they use it one by one every 5 minutes.

I asked them to come again on Wednesday to watch movie on my computer. It is my day off, it will be fun playing around with them

I wish i could turn the time and be a kid again, but it was hard time. I only have one green short, i wore it every day that ripped on back looked like eyes. I had also one shirt given, one of my friend asked why i always wore the same shirt every day and it was women shirt. He didn’t know it was a given of my aunt’s daughter.

Actually i doubt when i said i want to go back to my childhood becayse It was too bitter. It is better now although i have many problems in my head.

His bilated birthday

My sister in law told me that her son, my nephew asked for a present for his birthday. She convinced him that he will get a present if he goes up to the next grade. It would be announced in few day later in his school. All parents want their kids doing great in school.

My sister in law is worried his son Euro ( he was born and named Euro because of the Euro cup ten years ago) would stay in the same grade again this year. It happened last year.

This morning he appeared at home after school, i rushed asking him what he got. He replied with a pride, “i am number 36 in the class”. I joked him, ” you are number one from backward! Lol. How about celebrating your bilated birthday and your top rank now”, i encouraged him. I am glad that he goes to forth grade, i think i should make something for my lovely nephew.

His smile grew bigger responding my suggestion. So we went out to celebrate his bilated birthday and his new grade.

We all know at home that he has problem with the academic since in the first grade. We are glad he goes to the next grade finally.

He doesn’t like study, especially Mathematic. he can read and perhaps he is the last student who undertand in the class what his teachers teach. But he is excited going to school every morning.

Every evening his mother is often shouting at the top of her lung to help him with his homeworks. I am sure there is nothing penetrate his head.

He is staring at his book and one hand with pen idle while his mother screaming, just like a hen losing one of her little chick. It is so pitty seeing that.

I remember my oldest brother thought me homework when i was still in the second grade, it was Mathematic. The subject i know that would never please me. It was the most terrible moment when my oldest brother thought me.

He scolded me how easy was 4 : 2, his voice wasn’t too loud but it echoed painfully in every cavities of my body. i looked down and silent, but finally i broke to sob and my tears streaming on my chics.

I was scared just to put my face up. I could imagine how fierce his eyes would be. With his age was only twenties he would not have enough patient to teach me.

Then I never asked him homework anymore. I prefer got zero with my homework than asking him to help me. That bad momory flashes back sometimes till now.

Euro is sweet kid just like i was. He wakes up early in morning, waiting patiently his sister showering in the toilet to get his turn. He never complains about how long he has to wait her sister.

He sings while putting his uniform on. He is handsome, everybody says that. He is ready to go school although sunrise doesn’t raise yet. He likes going to school although he doesn’t like to study.

I asked him where he wanted to celebrate his birthday. He told me It doesn’t matter anywhere. That is his usual answer everytime we will go out. I know he loves KFC, that would please him

He doesn’t have many clothes. He is growing up fast, all his clothes are not enough for his body now. I thought to get him a t-shirt and having KfC are great ideas.

In the mall i must hold his hand to get on the elevator. He is nervous with that moving ladder.

I let him to choose his t-shirt. The first one he took the dark green color. But he finally grabbed the yellow one. I think he like yellow, like some of his clothes are.

I asked him to wear his new t-shirt in change room, he looks good in yellow. Then we headed to get friend chicken.

I took some photos while he enjoyed his KFC. I am glad doing something nice for him today. Be a great boy Euro.

Happier now

I am happier now, i find my routine and i am glad that i have the sense of productivity every day.

Before i was restless and stressed with my previous work but now i am much more relieved with the new one. I gain less but it’s okay, i still survive. I tend to take the easy way, that is my nature, life is complicated and i don’t want to make it worse.

I maybe cannot be like others who have power to survive and strong under the hurricane for the sake of their goals, either more money, more experience, comfortable life, car, or big house. So they could easily gain respect from community.

Success in life is one of the answer to be happy at least in where i live here now. People will think twice before say something. I do not have those possessions but i still enjoy my day for the past week. I am going continue this for moment.

I have been busy at work, and also doing freelance massage after work few times a week for regular clents.

It takes my energy but it eases my mind. I enjoy it every day. i bring my lunch and savour it at work. I gain my weigh and glad seeing my t-shirt fit on me. My face is brighter because i am in good mood.

I may not type of person who can stay strong and develop under the pressure, like experts say push your bounderies then you will get that success. I understand that completely that no pain no gain. Gain more means having more responsibility and struggle as well.

I am paid low because of easy job. I accept that, money is important but if i am treated like useless person at work, i can’t give the best in me in that job, i will step back and turn my body to the other side to find my way.

It sounds weak but i prefer stay in my comford zone although i may not success as the other people

I am happier now, that is important for me

The scary night

One night i had dinner with my friend. I had no idea what would happen that night.

It was not too cold but i kept wearing my jacket, it is my habit to put it on each time i go out riding at night.

I heard a story about that cemetery, but i haven’t take it seriously. I take that street back and fort every day to work. So there is nothing to scare about.

It was around ten pm, i was taking my friend to her place after dinner. It was the same like the usual night, quiet and breeze. No sign there would be something wierd accured.

The road is meander and ups and down. There was no street light but i still could see through the front lamp of my motorbike.

All of sudden i saw a big snake size of my thigh crossing the road. My heart jumped out from my chest, i screamed and stepped the brake frantically.

My friend at the back was shock and asked me what the hell had happened. I was trembling to tell her what i saw. She was confused, she didn’t see anything. But it was real with my own eyes looking at that big scary snake, it was a python. Was i dreaming?

The following day i asked someone who lives nearby the cemetery. He told me that creature is a magical snake living around the cemetery. Other villagers saw it too, he convinced me.

He suggested me to put a little offering there to please the snake. It says the snake is creeping out on certain days like kajeng kliwon or full moon. Which Balinese consideres it as sacred days, the days to make ceremony. That night was kajeng kliwon

I would’t believe that story if it didn’t happen to me.

I am illiterate

I was bored and i wanted to treat myself to feel better. I thought going to cinema was not bad idea.

I poured my head, scrubbed my face, and cleansed my mind in the shower. Clean is much much better than dirty absolutely.

I care about my beard and moustache that is growing on my tiny face. I think i look better than okay. I put on my pants and brown t-shirt i haven’t wear lately. I dressed well.

A doorman put the warmest smile i can remember at the cinema. I got the ticket for Pokemon: Detective Pikachu movie. I love animation.

The movie would play in fifteen minutes. I had time to get Roti Boy my favourite bread. I rushed to escalator going down to the stall.

I got the bread and also a bottle of water, i hid them carefully in my bag. The door man won’t allow us to bring food inside the cinema.

I got a perfect spot, the third row chair from the back, 8 is my lucky number, next to step, easier going to toilet. My bad habit pees during the movie.

That was a good movie. I love the pokemon electric stung with its double z tail. Pokemon is cute.

I headed to bookstore searching for book i might find interesting. There was nothing grabbed my attention, so i paced to the door to leave.

Suddenly a tall skinny man stopped me and asked me something. I knew what it was, but i felt rude to ignore him, so i stayed and listened to him.

He smiled and telling me a programme of helping kids in remote island for their education. He explained it expertly and friendly. I wish i could do something for this kids.

When he had finished, I said it was wonderful programme and it would be great if i could help but couldn’t do it for now.

He tried to convince me that i just needed to register now and do it later. I was confused how to say it in a nice way.

It was awkward moment, My mouth adhered going to stiff, my heart sank saying i am unemployed and still looking for job.

I felt worse than the poor kids in that remote island. His face turned from bright sunshine to pitty cloudy glint sky. I was like illiterate man.

Saraswati day

This morning my brother was helping his son to wear sarong. What is going on i mumbled in my head. My body was reluctant to move. Why i wake up early i have nothing to do, no stress about work because i am jobless, well that is my stress actually.

My nephew is handsome in his Balinese outfits. I love his cheerful smile. He is happy because today is Saraswati day. The day of knowledge. He doesn’t need to bring his books or study at school, the things he does like.

Students just pray at school and go home. It is a pleasure day for lazy student. Like me, i was, enjoying all day without worry about study or do math homework, my enemy subject at school.

Saraswati day is celebrated every 210 days according to Balinese Calender. It comes from Sanskrit word, saras means flowing and wati is woman. Knowledge is flowing like a river, and also interesrting like beautiful woman. Saraswati is Goddess flawlessly beautiful with four hands holding Hindu’s attibutes, and those symbolize of Hindu wisdom

Today is quite challenging day for me, Since i am unemployed, book is my pleasure, book is my good friend. What should i do today without reading? The day not to touch book.

On Saraswati day Balinese people make offering for the books. So we should not use them today. We collect and adorn them with white and yellow clothes. We don’t read book today, that is hard for me.

I took some of my books and gave them to my sister in law. She will make ceremony for them. She held offering on her left hand and called me to pray in our family temple.

I dragged my body to go for shower, poured my head with that cold morning water. It felt nice, i grabbed my sarong the white one with the black flower print. My favourite one for praying, i love white clothes like usual balinese man wear.

The grass in yard of our family temple was trimmed well. My brother did it, he is a great gardener.I sit on this comfy green carpet, very nice!Burning the incense and assorted flowers, then I prayed.

The day i can’t read😕

Yogurt drink.

I label myself as an introvert, but sometimes i don’t think that’s me. I should hang out this evening with my friend. The one who i usually go out with. But i end up being alone here in the park. I console myself i could use this time to contemplate and searching inspiration to write.

Lately there is an urge that i want to be with friend. I feel there is a hole inside me that need to fill. My books usually are my best friend, but now i want people that i can communicate with.

During the day i imagined i and my friend would have a great time together. Talking, explore our stressness, our difficilties, or laughing at something we find funny.

Now i eavesdrop the vendors talking about their family drama. I hear those things many many times from my sisters, friends, and strangers. As if live is a huge stage of drama with different kind of scenes.

My introvert now is getting less and less, i want be with people now. Like last time I was very excited when my brother asked me to join with his family to go to beach. I feel what the most happiness in the world is being around with our family.

It was before sunset time, I buried my feet into black sand, it felt warm and breeze. Sunday is a good family time. I talked anything that came out from my head to my brother. My nephew is shy and keeping close with us all the time.

My sister in law soaked and played with baby waves. People were packed and scattered around the shore. What a nice look seeing everybody with family or lovers or friends. I miss the time like this, nothing can make me happy but this togetherness.

This park is the second place that pleases my heart. The first one is of course beache. People relax here, to sell, to excercise, to sit, to talk, or to stare blankly like me. Most of them are with someone, maybe only me here is talking with my head.

Anyway there are two women offering me yogurt drink, what a funny thing. I was thinking to have one earlier after having chicken porridge. Now they brought it here and plus it is cheaper than in ministore. It happens thing coming when we need it, and we deserve to be grateful.

Thank you life for giving me what i need.😀

Then i use this as the title of this writing although it is less coherence. it doesn’t represent the whole story. My story has no good theme anyway. Mainly i write what is jumping from my mind.

I say to myself, have a good time wayan😁